A Few Words on Spiritual Bypassing and Influencer Culture…

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The topic of spiritual bypassing has been on my mind for a long time now. It’s one of the MANY reasons I’ve grown so allergic to social media over the past few years, and it’s also something that I’ve come across within the various “spiritual healing” communities that I’ve interacted with over the past decade or so. As a spiritual seeker myself who has attended many healing ceremonies both IRL and online, I’ve been dismayed at witnessing the breathtaking lack of deep healing work by some of the folks out there marketing themselves as spiritual healers, life coaches, and yes even psychotherapists and psychologists. This means they’re out there, serving you and me as “healers” when they’ve avoided dealing with their own unhealed wounds.
Is this who you want to be taking advice from?

Here’s a nugget of truth for you: everyone born on this planet is in need of healing of some sort at one point or another. Not one of us is immune. Yup. I realize that’s not a sexy statement. But it’s the truth.

Here’s another nugget: there are plenty of so-called “healers” out there who have avoided doing their own repair work, yet are really charismatic marketers with huge online followings. Why does this concern me so much? Well, when you’ve worked with as many clients as I have who’ve come to you in tears because the advice they’ve been given by their previous coach/therapist/healer is damaging, you sit up and take notice. I often find myself spending the first few sessions helping my clients unlearn a lot of what they had assumed was carefully curated advice by someone they trusted or viewed as a subject matter expert. And don’t even get me started on the heartbreaking stories of clients who’ve come to me needing to process psychological, emotional, physical and/or sexual traumas inflicted on them by the very unregulated but very popular healers they sought help from. I offer free consults before working with any client; and I’m continuously amazed/saddened that in all my years of practice, I’ve only ever had ONE potential client ask me the most important question of all: “Do you have your own therapist, Sandy?”
Of course the answer is HELLLLLLLLLLL YA!!!!

This past weekend, after listening to a few episodes of the “Kumbaya Confessional” podcast (which I HIGHLY recommend, as it touches on the problematic themes within what the podcaster terms as the “WooSphere”), I went down the rabbit hole of reviewing, with discernment, all the accounts and hashtags that I’d been following on my social media platforms. It’s an exercise I recommend everyone practice regularly. Energy is everywhere around us, and it’s important for each of us to be more mindful of the content we’re ingesting because each post, each photo, each video, each comment on each social media post leaves an energetic imprint on our mind, body and spirit, even if unconsciously.

As a trained mind-body-spirit helping professional, I felt compelled to address this topic head on. Over the past few years (and goodness, especially over the past year during Covid times!), I’ve noticed an explosion of social media posts that espouse toxic positivity and spiritual bypassing as veritable, one-size fits all solutions to ALL! YOUR!! PROBLEMS!!!! I’ve been watching the plethora of such distressing content, truth be told with the same level of dismay one would give to watching an accident about to happen in slow motion.

Truth bomb: there is a LOT of really positive-sounding, yet pithily trite advice from “influencers” right here on this platform as well as across all social media; a lot of them have millions of followers and are seemingly quite successful. Yes, I’m all for freedom of expression and creativity. The year 2020 brought me a lot of lessons; and one of them is that we are living in THE time for digital content creators to shine and thrive and offer their services! This is a good thing. These digital platforms we have access to afford us the opportunity to spread information far and wide (within mere seconds!) around this beautiful blue planet. It’s an exciting time for those of us who like to create and share! Especially those of us who see our roles as healers in service to humanity. However, stepping into such roles comes with a weight of responsibility because what you put out into the world will be the advice that dozens, hundreds, thousands or millions of people will read and accept as gospel for years to come. Because it’s preserved ON THE INTERNET. ForEVER. Anyone can create a pretty and profound-sounding yet pithy meme filled with toxic problematic advice that will not only NOT help you achieve your goals, but will keep you in stuckness because it encourages you to spiritually bypass your actual, real-life problems.

So. What to do, you ask?

I invite you to be more discerning with what you’re taking in online. And I encourage you to continuously ask yourself whether you are engaging in any toxic, spiritually bypassing behaviour yourself. Here are some questions to ask yourself:

Are you discerning the content you’re ingesting, day after day? Scroll after scroll?

How is that content making you feel?

Is that content offering you temporary escapism while you continue ignoring what’s right in front of you?

Have you been ignoring dealing with your SELF? The self inside that houses both light AND shadow?

Be honest: have you been all “GOOD VIBES ONLY!” and “LOVE AND LIGHT!” while ignoring your Shadow inside?

Have you been avoiding doing your deep healing work because you’ve convinced yourself that taking advice from memes instead of checking-in with your Self, studying self-help books (and applying their teachings to your life) and/or working with a trained mental health professional to help guide you along your healing journey is the easier path?

Have you asked yourself who you’ve been taking advice from online (and what their qualifications are)?

Have you asked your guru/healer what efforts they’ve been taking to actively heal from their own wounds?

And after you’ve heard their answer, did you check in with your gut/intuition to discern whether their answer makes sense to you?

Most important of all, have you been hindering your personal growth by spiritually bypassing?

_{Sandy Kiaizadeh is a Registered Psychotherapist, Life Coach and Spiritual Healer at Toronto’s Mindful Solutions Clinic. For more information about Sandy and her services, please visit http://www.mindfulsolutionsclinic.com.}

Benefits of Journaling

So here we are, in the new year, which is always a great time of year to develop good, new habits or to deepen old ones.

Today’s blog post is about the benefits of regular journaling.

Who among us used to keep a diary when we were younger?

I know I’ve been a lifelong journaler; I started the habit pretty much as soon as I learned to write full sentences! I must have filled up dozens and dozens of old diaries over the years because I intuitively understood journals as the powerful tools they are to help me understand my struggles and fears without judgment or punishment. I remember how good it felt to release all of those thoughts and feelings, and to write out my deepest, most personal hopes and dreams, getting them out of my head and down onto paper. My world somehow seemed clearer after journaling.

But then adulthood rolled around… and my journaling stopped being as prolific as it used to be. Like so many adults, I too can get caught up in the busyness of day-to-day life. Adulting is hard, y’all! I know I’m not alone on this because I hear it often from my clients too.

But… it’s such a shame that so many of us have stopped keeping regular journals!

One of the very first things I do with all my clients as soon as I start working with them is to encourage them to get back to a regular journaling practice as a supplemental support to our work together. Keeping a regular diary is a great way to develop self-reflection and self- compassion. It helps us to understand our shadow selves, our triggers, our deepest dreams… In my years of working one-on-one with clients in private practice, I’ve noticed that those who regularly write in their journals are the ones who more often than not get the clarity they’re seeking much sooner. And as a result, they are usually the ones who “graduate” from therapy a LOT sooner. Positive outcomes are more easily attained, and at a much more rapid pace. WHY? It’s simple. Writing down our thoughts and feelings helps us understand them more clearly. It helps us notice our limiting beliefs and our dysfunctional coping mechanisms. It helps us get in touch with our core values – what really matters to us, what we want more of. It propels us forward.

So… if you struggle with stress, depression, or anxiety, or even if you’re just feeling STUCK (don’t we all at times?!), keeping a journal is a great idea. It can help you gain control of your emotions, improve your mental health, and gain CLARITY on your life. Journalling can help you prioritize any problems, fear and concerns. It can help you track your day to day thoughts and feelings, and can also provide you with a great opportunity to practice positive self-talk and affirmations.

So… journaling is a pretty simple but powerful tool to help develop a healthy lifestyle for better managing stress, anxiety, and mental health & wellness. It’s an incredible tool to help you cultivate a more MINDFUL life. And when I talk of an overall healthy lifestyle that includes journaling, I’m also talking about things like

• Lowering your stress levels
• Eating a healthy, balanced, nutrient-rich diet
• Exercising regularly, preferably outside, in nature while absorbing the sun’s healing Vitamin D
• Meditating each day
• Getting plenty of sleep each night
• Reducing (or ideally abstaining) from alcohol and drugs

Whenever I’ve recommended journaling to my clients, I’ve sometimes been met with resistance from them.

“But it’s so time-consuming, Sandy”…. “I have no time.”… “I’m MUCH too busy for that.”

“I would have no idea what to even write in my journal.”

“The blank pages overwhelm me.”

“I have too many thoughts in my head, and I can’t possibly discern which ones are important enough to capture and which ones are just… noise in my head.”

Clearly, we seem to have collectively embraced the “I’m much too busy” lament. Sure, life is busy with work/school, childcare, eldercare, paying the bills, cleaning the house, doing laundry, cooking, etc. But journaling doesn’t have to be a long, time-consuming process. Some days, I will jot down some stream of consciousness notes as they pop into my head in under 5 minutes, in point form, on the Notes app in my phone. Other days, as time allows, the entries will be deeper and more fleshed out, and handwritten in a journal. I’ve also noticed the best time for me to journal is first thing in the morning, immediately after having meditated. I got into this habit years ago, after having read Julia Cameron’s wonderous The Artist’s Way, in which she describes the importance of what she calls Morning Pages.

My point is, journaling doesn’t have to take hours and hours to be effective. We can help ourselves by trading out some of our mind-numbing Netflix time with some important self-care time that actually helps us connect more deeply with ourselves and our values.

As for the excuse of “I don’t know what to write about”… That’s a pretty valid concern too, especially if you’re a journaling newbie or somebody who hasn’t engaged in this practice in a long time… which is why I’ve recently published a colourful journal with over 80 powerful coaching prompts to help you get in touch with yourself and live a more mindful life. And I’ve since I’ve always understood the deep connection between creative expression and self-reflection, I’ve included a sampling of some mandalas that I’ve drawn over the year, which you can colour in, if you like. There are also plenty of blank pages on which you can create your own artwork to help get your creativity and self-reflection juices flowing.

The book is available for purchase at most major online retailers like Amazon, etc. But I’ll let you in on a little secret… It’s also available to preview and buy at a lower price, direct from the publisher, below. I would love for you to have a look, buy it, and to share it with your circles to help me spread the word. And please tell me how you like using it, if you do decide to purchase it!

My Mindful Life Journal by Sandy Kiaizadeh. Click on this photo to preview and purchase this book direct from the publisher.

You know, keeping a journal can help you create order when your world feels like it’s in chaos. Using a journal like this one will help you get to know yourself by revealing your most private fears, dreams, thoughts, and feelings. I encourage you to look at your writing time as personal relaxation time. Remember that it’s a meditative process that can help you de-stress and wind down.

I invite you to get into the habit of journaling again. Make self-care an important part of your 2020. Make the practice of journaling a special time to reconnect with yourself, by creating a ritual around it… maybe writing in a place that’s relaxing and soothing, or maybe combining it with another mindful ritual, like tea time. Ultimately though, look forward to your journaling time, and know that you’re doing something good for your mind, body and spirit.

Hypnosis for Deep Sleep

Here’s another guided audio recording, which is good to use if you’re having trouble falling (or staying!) asleep.

Hypnosis and meditation are both wonderful tools to help us access a slower brain frequency state. Are you ready to go into a very relaxing state to allow yourself the deep sleep that you deserve? If so, this guided audio is for you. Sweet dreams!

Breathing Anchor Meditation

Here’s another guided meditation for you!

This meditation is a “breathing anchor” mindfulness practice to help root your awareness into the present moment, dissolve anxiety, decrease stress, and allow the body to heal in a relaxed, peaceful state.

Let me know what you think!

 

Safe Place Meditation (For Pain)

Here is a brand new guided audio meditation that can help those of you who are dealing with physical or emotional pain. Hope you enjoy it!

Self-Compassion Guided Meditation

Self Compassion Meditation

 

 

Here’s one of my favourite meditations to practice, to cultivate self-compassion. Click on the play button and join me!

I hope you enjoy it!

5-Minute Simple Breathing Space Meditation

Breathing Space Meditation by Sandy Kiaizadeh

 

Come join me for a quick, simple and super relaxing meditation! Hit play on the video below.

What Is Intuitive Eating?

Have you heard of the term “intuitive eating” or “eating mindfully”, and wondered what it really means? It’s a non-dieting eating approach to living healthfully, which promotes:

• listening to your body
• eating when you’re hungry and stopping when you’re full
• eating mindfully without distractions such as television and smartphones
• moving daily for enjoyment rather than punishment
• accepting the body’s natural size and shape
• removing food guilt
• ending food preoccupation by removing any form of food restriction.

Abundant research now shows that dieting doesn’t work in the long run, and can, in fact, lead to disordered eating behaviours. So get off the hurtful “no fat,” “low cal,” “no sugar,” and “clean eating” yo-yo cycle of self-abuse and go back to basics instead – which is to simply listen to your body’s natural cues, eat mindfully, and find an exercise activity that you actually enjoy!

My Story: In Support of #WorldEatingDisordersDay

My latest Huffington Post blog is live today, in support of #WorldEatingDisordersDay. It’s certainly one of the most personal and raw blogs that I’ve written publicly. But I share my story today for all the world to see because treatment saves lives. It saved mine.

If you think you may have an eating disorder, seek help.
Tell your family doctor. Get a referral to an eating disorders clinic near you.
Start counselling.
DO THE WORK.
Please.

Read my story on Huffington Post.

A Little Compassion and Empathy Can End Cyberbullying for Good

Here’s my latest article, published on Huffington Post on April 1, 2015. Read it here:

A Little Compassion and Empathy Can End Cyberbullying for Good