A Few Words on Spiritual Bypassing and Influencer Culture…

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The topic of spiritual bypassing has been on my mind for a long time now. It’s one of the MANY reasons I’ve grown so allergic to social media over the past few years, and it’s also something that I’ve come across within the various “spiritual healing” communities that I’ve interacted with over the past decade or so. As a spiritual seeker myself who has attended many healing ceremonies both IRL and online, I’ve been dismayed at witnessing the breathtaking lack of deep healing work by some of the folks out there marketing themselves as spiritual healers, life coaches, and yes even psychotherapists and psychologists. This means they’re out there, serving you and me as “healers” when they’ve avoided dealing with their own unhealed wounds.
Is this who you want to be taking advice from?

Here’s a nugget of truth for you: everyone born on this planet is in need of healing of some sort at one point or another. Not one of us is immune. Yup. I realize that’s not a sexy statement. But it’s the truth.

Here’s another nugget: there are plenty of so-called “healers” out there who have avoided doing their own repair work, yet are really charismatic marketers with huge online followings. Why does this concern me so much? Well, when you’ve worked with as many clients as I have who’ve come to you in tears because the advice they’ve been given by their previous coach/therapist/healer is damaging, you sit up and take notice. I often find myself spending the first few sessions helping my clients unlearn a lot of what they had assumed was carefully curated advice by someone they trusted or viewed as a subject matter expert. And don’t even get me started on the heartbreaking stories of clients who’ve come to me needing to process psychological, emotional, physical and/or sexual traumas inflicted on them by the very unregulated but very popular healers they sought help from. I offer free consults before working with any client; and I’m continuously amazed/saddened that in all my years of practice, I’ve only ever had ONE potential client ask me the most important question of all: “Do you have your own therapist, Sandy?”
Of course the answer is HELLLLLLLLLLL YA!!!!

This past weekend, after listening to a few episodes of the “Kumbaya Confessional” podcast (which I HIGHLY recommend, as it touches on the problematic themes within what the podcaster terms as the “WooSphere”), I went down the rabbit hole of reviewing, with discernment, all the accounts and hashtags that I’d been following on my social media platforms. It’s an exercise I recommend everyone practice regularly. Energy is everywhere around us, and it’s important for each of us to be more mindful of the content we’re ingesting because each post, each photo, each video, each comment on each social media post leaves an energetic imprint on our mind, body and spirit, even if unconsciously.

As a trained mind-body-spirit helping professional, I felt compelled to address this topic head on. Over the past few years (and goodness, especially over the past year during Covid times!), I’ve noticed an explosion of social media posts that espouse toxic positivity and spiritual bypassing as veritable, one-size fits all solutions to ALL! YOUR!! PROBLEMS!!!! I’ve been watching the plethora of such distressing content, truth be told with the same level of dismay one would give to watching an accident about to happen in slow motion.

Truth bomb: there is a LOT of really positive-sounding, yet pithily trite advice from “influencers” right here on this platform as well as across all social media; a lot of them have millions of followers and are seemingly quite successful. Yes, I’m all for freedom of expression and creativity. The year 2020 brought me a lot of lessons; and one of them is that we are living in THE time for digital content creators to shine and thrive and offer their services! This is a good thing. These digital platforms we have access to afford us the opportunity to spread information far and wide (within mere seconds!) around this beautiful blue planet. It’s an exciting time for those of us who like to create and share! Especially those of us who see our roles as healers in service to humanity. However, stepping into such roles comes with a weight of responsibility because what you put out into the world will be the advice that dozens, hundreds, thousands or millions of people will read and accept as gospel for years to come. Because it’s preserved ON THE INTERNET. ForEVER. Anyone can create a pretty and profound-sounding yet pithy meme filled with toxic problematic advice that will not only NOT help you achieve your goals, but will keep you in stuckness because it encourages you to spiritually bypass your actual, real-life problems.

So. What to do, you ask?

I invite you to be more discerning with what you’re taking in online. And I encourage you to continuously ask yourself whether you are engaging in any toxic, spiritually bypassing behaviour yourself. Here are some questions to ask yourself:

Are you discerning the content you’re ingesting, day after day? Scroll after scroll?

How is that content making you feel?

Is that content offering you temporary escapism while you continue ignoring what’s right in front of you?

Have you been ignoring dealing with your SELF? The self inside that houses both light AND shadow?

Be honest: have you been all “GOOD VIBES ONLY!” and “LOVE AND LIGHT!” while ignoring your Shadow inside?

Have you been avoiding doing your deep healing work because you’ve convinced yourself that taking advice from memes instead of checking-in with your Self, studying self-help books (and applying their teachings to your life) and/or working with a trained mental health professional to help guide you along your healing journey is the easier path?

Have you asked yourself who you’ve been taking advice from online (and what their qualifications are)?

Have you asked your guru/healer what efforts they’ve been taking to actively heal from their own wounds?

And after you’ve heard their answer, did you check in with your gut/intuition to discern whether their answer makes sense to you?

Most important of all, have you been hindering your personal growth by spiritually bypassing?

_{Sandy Kiaizadeh is a Registered Psychotherapist, Life Coach and Spiritual Healer at Toronto’s Mindful Solutions Clinic. For more information about Sandy and her services, please visit http://www.mindfulsolutionsclinic.com.}

Find Your Purpose in a Few Minutes With a Few Questions

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It’s not easy to figure out how to spend the rest of your life. But, it doesn’t have to be extremely challenging either. By asking yourself a few, simple questions, you can learn enough about yourself to figure it all out. There may not be a 100% perfect answer, but you can figure out a great answer in a short amount of time.

 

What are you meant to do?

Consider these questions to help you determine your purpose:

1. What am I interested in? These can be things you like to do, learn about, and think about. What activities cause you to lose track of time? Make a list of your 10 favourite activities. Now, think of ways you can make a living in a related way. For example:

• If you love teaching, there are many ways to instruct others. You could be an actual teacher, a personal trainer, teach meditation classes, or be a sports coach.
• Do you love sports? Think coach, athletic trainer, gym teacher, and so on.

2. What do I want to learn more about? Is there a topic that fascinates you so much that you spend your free time learning more about it? You might be fascinated with astronomy or inventing a better mousetrap. What really piques your interest?

3. What am I naturally good at? Ideally, you can find something that you love that you also have a natural talent for. What are some things you do better than the average person? Make another list.

4. What did I want to do when I was a child? What did you dream about being when you were growing up? Sometimes your first ideas are the best ideas. Think about your childhood dreams and ask yourself why you chose that field. You might get a few clues.

5. What are my values? What is most important to you? Adventure? Helping others? Personal development? Overcoming challenges? Your purpose has to be aligned with your values.

6. What is my gut telling me? There’s a time for logic and reason. This might not be one of those times. Sometimes, the best choice doesn’t necessarily make a lot of sense. What is your soul trying to tell you? Listen.

7. Why? Why does a particular field appeal to me? If you understand that, you can find other options that might be more suitable to you. Supposed you have an interest in being a physician. Make a list of why that appeals to you:

• Help people
• Intellectually challenging
• Avoid an office environment
• Get respect from family and the general public
• Financially rewarding: Have nice things and retire early

Now… Ask yourself what else you could do that would meet those needs of yours. For example, you could volunteer on the weekend, you could learn to speak Mandarin, and you could become a successful real estate investor.

8. Choose. Making a choice can be scary. But if you’ve narrowed down your options, it’s hard to make a poor choice. Making no choice at all ensures that your life stays stuck.

It can be unsettling if you don’t know what to do with your life. So, spend a little time with yourself and figure it out. It’s important to make a decision, because the cost of never deciding is significant. Look to your values and preferences and you’ll find a life path that appeals to you. All it takes is asking yourself a few pertinent questions.

Top 6 Actions That Help You Achieve Your Goals

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If you’re tired of making resolutions and goals that you never accomplish, a new approach may help. Conventional mindset goals can fall apart for several reasons. Once you’re aware of why this happens, you can prevent it or fix it so you can be on your way to achievement.

Try these techniques to achieve your goals:

1. Pick realistic goals. One of the most frequent issues is that you may pick goals that aren’t realistic. Perhaps you want to travel around the globe, read hundreds of books, and start your own business. Logistically speaking, some of your goals might simply not be possible any time soon. You may not have the money for travel, you don’t have the time to read, and pursuing your new business venture may require a lot of capital. It’s important to make your goals tangible. For example, instead of taking one long vacation spanning all the Earth’s continents, plan your one next big adventure to visit a country.

2. Break goals into a journey. It’s easy to set a goal, miss it, and get upset. Instead of doing this to yourself with each resolution, try a different way. View your goal as a long-term journey, where each leg of the journey leads up to where you’ll finally arrive. Create a plan that will get you to that goal. Set milestones and rewards along the way.

3. Measure your progress. In some cases, you may be close to achieving your goal, but you give up too soon. By measuring your progress, you’ll be able to see what you’re doing more clearly. You’ll be more motivated to stay on the journey and keep pushing toward your resolution. Set up a system to track your progress. Try different tools, such as calendars, journals, or logs to keep track of your goals and see which system works best for you.

4. Ask for help. Sometimes you might fail simply because you don’t ask for help and try to do everything by yourself. Perhaps a little help will bring you success! It’s normal to need help along your journey. You may need an entire support network behind you to achieve your goal. Turn to friends, family, coworkers, and others for support. Asking for help can help you achieve your goals faster and make the entire process easier as you work toward your target.

5. Feel free to adjust goals. You don’t have to stick with an old goal. Sometimes goals need to be changed and modified. You may evolve as a person and realize that your earlier ambitions are no longer relevant. Your present is constantly affecting your mindset and the way you perceive things. You accumulate knowledge, wisdom, and experience over time that affects your goals.

6. Stay aware of growth. You will continue to grow even if you don’t reach your goals. In some cases, failure may be a blessing because it teaches you valuable life lessons you wouldn’t have realized before. Without failure, you may not change enough to grow. Failure isn’t the end, and you can always set new goals. It’s more important to grow and become stronger than to reach every goal on your list.

Remember, your list will also change, so it won’t look the same as when you started. Be proactive about your goals! Take effective actions that support you and your goals, and you’ll find that achievement comes much easier.

10 Intriguing Ways to Challenge Yourself for 30 Days

Most likely, you won’t change the world in a month, but you can create new habits that

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put you on the road to making a difference in your world. Most people can drop or create a habit within 30 days. The only item you need is commitment.

Do you have what it takes? This list will provide you with a few ideas. Put your creative thinking cap on, and you’ll develop a few of your own ideas for challenges that will make a positive difference in your life.

Challenge yourself and change your life:

1. Try a new recipe. Let’s face it. You have the same thing for breakfast every day. Only a couple of different things for lunch. And maybe 10 different things for dinner. You’ve been eating the same stuff for years! Try something new. You’re bound to find something you love. Eat something new each day for a month.

2. Drink only water as a beverage for a month. How much do you rely on your morning cafe latte? You’re about to find out. Just go one month without drinking anything other than what your adult body was designed to drink – water.

3. Give up your news habit. See how many days you can go without watching or reading any news. Think you’ll miss out on something important? Your friends will tell you. Besides, the news hasn’t changed much for the last 100 years. Look at an old newspaper for proof.

4. Take a cold shower. There are lots of health benefits to be found from taking cold showers. They’re great for your mood and immune system. See how tough you really are. One tip: Rather than starting with a cold shower, start with a hot shower and gradually keep turning the temperature down. It’s refreshing!

5. Wake up 30 minutes earlier. Get out of bed 30 minutes earlier and do something productive. You might try learning Italian or reading. It might be a good time for a walk. Maybe you’ll meditate, pray, or write. See how special the morning can be before everyone else gets up!

6. Avoid complaining. Thirty days without complaining? Can you do it? You might struggle at first if you have a habit of complaining. But you’ll feel great by the end of the month!

7. Avoid negative thoughts. How about skipping all negative thoughts for a month? It’s important to catch yourself early in the process, and there will be plenty of times you’ll have to catch yourself. Breaking this one negative habit can make a huge positive difference in your life.

8. Do something nice for someone each day. You can do 30 things for the same person or for a variety of people. The choice is yours. Try to accomplish this anonymously. You’ll learn how good it feels to do something for someone else without getting anything in return.

9. Study something for a month. Pull the old guitar out of the attic. Learn how to paint. Study web marketing. This is a great challenge to combine with waking up earlier. What will you learn this month?

10. Exercise daily for a month. It doesn’t have to be challenging, but do something physical and fun each day for 30 days. Think of ways you can enjoy this time. You might shoot baskets in the driveway one day, and meet a friend for tennis the next. Take the family for a hike. Play with your dog. Try that new Body Groove class. Just do something active and enjoy the endorphin rush!

What ideas do you have for a 30-day challenge? Visualize how great you’ll feel if you can make just a couple of worthwhile changes over the next month. Your life will be moving toward new possibilities. You can change your habits in 30 days. Let’s get started!

9 Secrets of Peak Performers

What are the secrets of success? Do you need to be born with unique talents or special gifts? Luckily, success is rarely the result of anything you can’t acquire in your adulthood.

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You can develop the daily habits, resiliency, and motivation you need to achieve your goals. These are all things that can be learned if you’re willing to put in the time and effort.

 

Peak performers have many traits in common:

1. Have goals and review them daily. If you’re like most people, you don’t have a set of concrete goals, and you don’t review them regularly. Never underestimate the power of knowing what you want and reminding yourself on a daily basis.

2. Surround yourself with the right people. Peak performers have people who support their goals on their team and in their social network. If you want to be successful, realize that you can’t do it alone. Hang out with other successful people.

3. Read regularly. Those who are highly successful are constantly upgrading their knowledge and skills. For example, Mark Cuban claims to read three hours each day. You don’t have to read for three hours, but it’s important to make reading a daily habit.

4. Work toward your goals even when you don’t feel like it. If you wait for perfect conditions, you’ll never do anything. You can make progress each day, regardless of everything else that may be going on. To get started, force yourself to work for just 10 minutes. Let momentum keep you going.

5. Get up early. Peak performers are usually early risers. The early morning is quiet and a great time to work, plan, or create. Get a headstart on the day while everyone else is still sleeping.

6. Minimize distractions. At times, the most successful people isolate themselves from the rest of the world to get things done. You might not have investors and fans knocking on your door, but you do have the internet, TV, and kids. Keep distractions to a minimum when it’s time to work.

7. Be consistent. Peak performers don’t work sporadically. They are consistent in their efforts. Make success a daily exercise. Have a list of things you’re going to accomplish and ensure that you do them.

8. Take setbacks in stride. Those that struggle tend to be easily sidelined by obstacles and setbacks. High achievers aren’t bothered by such challenges. Peak performers have resiliency and maintain a balanced perspective. The more challenges you can handle with poise, the more success you’ll enjoy.

9. Make things happen. Successful people don’t sit around and wait for the world to pick them. They pick themselves and make the most of their abilities. Be assertive if you want to be a peak performer. Success is within reach.

Anyone can become a high performer with a positive attitude and habits that support their goals. A few lucky people naturally acquire an effective attitude and habits. The rest of us must cultivate them. Pick a few of these “secrets” and begin implementing them in your life. Success is bound to come your way.