A Few Words on Spiritual Bypassing and Influencer Culture…

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The topic of spiritual bypassing has been on my mind for a long time now. It’s one of the MANY reasons I’ve grown so allergic to social media over the past few years, and it’s also something that I’ve come across within the various “spiritual healing” communities that I’ve interacted with over the past decade or so. As a spiritual seeker myself who has attended many healing ceremonies both IRL and online, I’ve been dismayed at witnessing the breathtaking lack of deep healing work by some of the folks out there marketing themselves as spiritual healers, life coaches, and yes even psychotherapists and psychologists. This means they’re out there, serving you and me as “healers” when they’ve avoided dealing with their own unhealed wounds.
Is this who you want to be taking advice from?

Here’s a nugget of truth for you: everyone born on this planet is in need of healing of some sort at one point or another. Not one of us is immune. Yup. I realize that’s not a sexy statement. But it’s the truth.

Here’s another nugget: there are plenty of so-called “healers” out there who have avoided doing their own repair work, yet are really charismatic marketers with huge online followings. Why does this concern me so much? Well, when you’ve worked with as many clients as I have who’ve come to you in tears because the advice they’ve been given by their previous coach/therapist/healer is damaging, you sit up and take notice. I often find myself spending the first few sessions helping my clients unlearn a lot of what they had assumed was carefully curated advice by someone they trusted or viewed as a subject matter expert. And don’t even get me started on the heartbreaking stories of clients who’ve come to me needing to process psychological, emotional, physical and/or sexual traumas inflicted on them by the very unregulated but very popular healers they sought help from. I offer free consults before working with any client; and I’m continuously amazed/saddened that in all my years of practice, I’ve only ever had ONE potential client ask me the most important question of all: “Do you have your own therapist, Sandy?”
Of course the answer is HELLLLLLLLLLL YA!!!!

This past weekend, after listening to a few episodes of the “Kumbaya Confessional” podcast (which I HIGHLY recommend, as it touches on the problematic themes within what the podcaster terms as the “WooSphere”), I went down the rabbit hole of reviewing, with discernment, all the accounts and hashtags that I’d been following on my social media platforms. It’s an exercise I recommend everyone practice regularly. Energy is everywhere around us, and it’s important for each of us to be more mindful of the content we’re ingesting because each post, each photo, each video, each comment on each social media post leaves an energetic imprint on our mind, body and spirit, even if unconsciously.

As a trained mind-body-spirit helping professional, I felt compelled to address this topic head on. Over the past few years (and goodness, especially over the past year during Covid times!), I’ve noticed an explosion of social media posts that espouse toxic positivity and spiritual bypassing as veritable, one-size fits all solutions to ALL! YOUR!! PROBLEMS!!!! I’ve been watching the plethora of such distressing content, truth be told with the same level of dismay one would give to watching an accident about to happen in slow motion.

Truth bomb: there is a LOT of really positive-sounding, yet pithily trite advice from “influencers” right here on this platform as well as across all social media; a lot of them have millions of followers and are seemingly quite successful. Yes, I’m all for freedom of expression and creativity. The year 2020 brought me a lot of lessons; and one of them is that we are living in THE time for digital content creators to shine and thrive and offer their services! This is a good thing. These digital platforms we have access to afford us the opportunity to spread information far and wide (within mere seconds!) around this beautiful blue planet. It’s an exciting time for those of us who like to create and share! Especially those of us who see our roles as healers in service to humanity. However, stepping into such roles comes with a weight of responsibility because what you put out into the world will be the advice that dozens, hundreds, thousands or millions of people will read and accept as gospel for years to come. Because it’s preserved ON THE INTERNET. ForEVER. Anyone can create a pretty and profound-sounding yet pithy meme filled with toxic problematic advice that will not only NOT help you achieve your goals, but will keep you in stuckness because it encourages you to spiritually bypass your actual, real-life problems.

So. What to do, you ask?

I invite you to be more discerning with what you’re taking in online. And I encourage you to continuously ask yourself whether you are engaging in any toxic, spiritually bypassing behaviour yourself. Here are some questions to ask yourself:

Are you discerning the content you’re ingesting, day after day? Scroll after scroll?

How is that content making you feel?

Is that content offering you temporary escapism while you continue ignoring what’s right in front of you?

Have you been ignoring dealing with your SELF? The self inside that houses both light AND shadow?

Be honest: have you been all “GOOD VIBES ONLY!” and “LOVE AND LIGHT!” while ignoring your Shadow inside?

Have you been avoiding doing your deep healing work because you’ve convinced yourself that taking advice from memes instead of checking-in with your Self, studying self-help books (and applying their teachings to your life) and/or working with a trained mental health professional to help guide you along your healing journey is the easier path?

Have you asked yourself who you’ve been taking advice from online (and what their qualifications are)?

Have you asked your guru/healer what efforts they’ve been taking to actively heal from their own wounds?

And after you’ve heard their answer, did you check in with your gut/intuition to discern whether their answer makes sense to you?

Most important of all, have you been hindering your personal growth by spiritually bypassing?

_{Sandy Kiaizadeh is a Registered Psychotherapist, Life Coach and Spiritual Healer at Toronto’s Mindful Solutions Clinic. For more information about Sandy and her services, please visit http://www.mindfulsolutionsclinic.com.}

Discovering Your Self-Worth Despite Challenging Circumstances

Does life seem to be a struggle for you? Do you feel overwhelmed and frustrated much of the time? Do you wish you could experience something better? Fortunately, you can enjoy the exciting life you deserve. Success is available to you despite challenging circumstances. It’s important to remember, also, that your self-worth is not defined by your circumstances.

What holds you back?

Take some time today to question the beliefs you hold that limit your potential. If you look at a challenging circumstance as a wall that’s impossible to climb, you need a fresh perspective. Within you is everything you need to thrive and excel. The more you question the validity of your limiting beliefs, the more success you’ll experience in your life.

Think of a circumstance in your life that you believe is preventing you from something you want. Write it down, then get ready to challenge that limiting belief. If you do, you’ll begin to move toward the success you deserve.

Use these strategies to maintain positive self-worth, regardless of your circumstances:

1. Find the cause. What is the cause of the circumstance in your life? Sometimes, limiting beliefs can serve as warning signs that help you avoid danger. What can you learn from this so you avoid triggering a similar situation in the future? If the cause of your situation is unclear, ask friends and family for their input. Others see your life from a different perspective, and their input can be valuable in determining the root of your difficulty.

2. Get past the blame game. You can often be your own worst critic. But remember, negative self-talk often has very little basis in reality. Choose to replace the doubts of your inner critic with more productive thinking. Once a negative thought has taught you its intended lesson, it has served its purpose. If you choose to hold onto those negative thoughts, they will begin to form a negative self-image in your mind. This unbalanced view of your talents and strengths holds you back.  Instead of dwelling on negative thoughts about your circumstances, learn the lesson and resolve to move on. Find out what you can do differently to avoid a repeat of your present situation. Then, when negative thoughts enter your mind, choose to replace your self-talk with productive thoughts instead.

3. Cut yourself some slack. The practice of self-compassion means recognizing that you’re human. Everyone makes mistakes, but your attitude determines your altitude in life. You are valuable regardless of your present predicament. You are worthwhile even when you slip up or falter. Your circumstances simply provide feedback and an opportunity to learn and grow.

4. Make the most of it. When you recognize that you’re valuable despite your circumstances, you’ll begin to make the most of every opportunity. Stumbling blocks you face can become stepping stones to the success you deserve, simply by changing what you focus on. Instead of feeling helpless, ask yourself: “What’s great about this?” Every situation provides something of value if you look for it.

5. Ask for help. Loved ones and friends often see strengths in you that go without notice. Ask them what they believe your strengths are. This is where your self-worth is found. Everyone has something of value to contribute. Once you recognize your unique talents, gifts, and abilities, you’ll see life in a whole new way. You’ll seek opportunities to use your talents to bless others. You’ll gain confidence that comes from conquering challenges that once made you cringe. Instead of allowing your circumstances to dictate who you are, you’ll make the rules!

6. Live one day at a time. Despite your best efforts, some days simply provide one frustration after another. When this happens, you have a choice. You can let your circumstances defeat you, or you can choose a more positive perspective. There’s a wealth of benefit to the mindfulness practice of living each day moment by moment.

Resolve today to find your strengths, learn from your difficult circumstances, and experience the joy you were created to experience. Instead of tying your self-worth to your circumstances, choose to see things as they really are. You were created with unique talents and gifts. When you find those gifts within yourself and put them to use, you’ll know how valuable you truly are.

Find Your Purpose in a Few Minutes With a Few Questions

Toronto Mindful Solutions Clinic

It’s not easy to figure out how to spend the rest of your life. But, it doesn’t have to be extremely challenging either. By asking yourself a few, simple questions, you can learn enough about yourself to figure it all out. There may not be a 100% perfect answer, but you can figure out a great answer in a short amount of time.

 

What are you meant to do?

Consider these questions to help you determine your purpose:

1. What am I interested in? These can be things you like to do, learn about, and think about. What activities cause you to lose track of time? Make a list of your 10 favourite activities. Now, think of ways you can make a living in a related way. For example:

• If you love teaching, there are many ways to instruct others. You could be an actual teacher, a personal trainer, teach meditation classes, or be a sports coach.
• Do you love sports? Think coach, athletic trainer, gym teacher, and so on.

2. What do I want to learn more about? Is there a topic that fascinates you so much that you spend your free time learning more about it? You might be fascinated with astronomy or inventing a better mousetrap. What really piques your interest?

3. What am I naturally good at? Ideally, you can find something that you love that you also have a natural talent for. What are some things you do better than the average person? Make another list.

4. What did I want to do when I was a child? What did you dream about being when you were growing up? Sometimes your first ideas are the best ideas. Think about your childhood dreams and ask yourself why you chose that field. You might get a few clues.

5. What are my values? What is most important to you? Adventure? Helping others? Personal development? Overcoming challenges? Your purpose has to be aligned with your values.

6. What is my gut telling me? There’s a time for logic and reason. This might not be one of those times. Sometimes, the best choice doesn’t necessarily make a lot of sense. What is your soul trying to tell you? Listen.

7. Why? Why does a particular field appeal to me? If you understand that, you can find other options that might be more suitable to you. Supposed you have an interest in being a physician. Make a list of why that appeals to you:

• Help people
• Intellectually challenging
• Avoid an office environment
• Get respect from family and the general public
• Financially rewarding: Have nice things and retire early

Now… Ask yourself what else you could do that would meet those needs of yours. For example, you could volunteer on the weekend, you could learn to speak Mandarin, and you could become a successful real estate investor.

8. Choose. Making a choice can be scary. But if you’ve narrowed down your options, it’s hard to make a poor choice. Making no choice at all ensures that your life stays stuck.

It can be unsettling if you don’t know what to do with your life. So, spend a little time with yourself and figure it out. It’s important to make a decision, because the cost of never deciding is significant. Look to your values and preferences and you’ll find a life path that appeals to you. All it takes is asking yourself a few pertinent questions.