A Few Words on Spiritual Bypassing and Influencer Culture…

• 

• 

• 

• 

The topic of spiritual bypassing has been on my mind for a long time now. It’s one of the MANY reasons I’ve grown so allergic to social media over the past few years, and it’s also something that I’ve come across within the various “spiritual healing” communities that I’ve interacted with over the past decade or so. As a spiritual seeker myself who has attended many healing ceremonies both IRL and online, I’ve been dismayed at witnessing the breathtaking lack of deep healing work by some of the folks out there marketing themselves as spiritual healers, life coaches, and yes even psychotherapists and psychologists. This means they’re out there, serving you and me as “healers” when they’ve avoided dealing with their own unhealed wounds.
Is this who you want to be taking advice from?

Here’s a nugget of truth for you: everyone born on this planet is in need of healing of some sort at one point or another. Not one of us is immune. Yup. I realize that’s not a sexy statement. But it’s the truth.

Here’s another nugget: there are plenty of so-called “healers” out there who have avoided doing their own repair work, yet are really charismatic marketers with huge online followings. Why does this concern me so much? Well, when you’ve worked with as many clients as I have who’ve come to you in tears because the advice they’ve been given by their previous coach/therapist/healer is damaging, you sit up and take notice. I often find myself spending the first few sessions helping my clients unlearn a lot of what they had assumed was carefully curated advice by someone they trusted or viewed as a subject matter expert. And don’t even get me started on the heartbreaking stories of clients who’ve come to me needing to process psychological, emotional, physical and/or sexual traumas inflicted on them by the very unregulated but very popular healers they sought help from. I offer free consults before working with any client; and I’m continuously amazed/saddened that in all my years of practice, I’ve only ever had ONE potential client ask me the most important question of all: “Do you have your own therapist, Sandy?”
Of course the answer is HELLLLLLLLLLL YA!!!!

This past weekend, after listening to a few episodes of the “Kumbaya Confessional” podcast (which I HIGHLY recommend, as it touches on the problematic themes within what the podcaster terms as the “WooSphere”), I went down the rabbit hole of reviewing, with discernment, all the accounts and hashtags that I’d been following on my social media platforms. It’s an exercise I recommend everyone practice regularly. Energy is everywhere around us, and it’s important for each of us to be more mindful of the content we’re ingesting because each post, each photo, each video, each comment on each social media post leaves an energetic imprint on our mind, body and spirit, even if unconsciously.

As a trained mind-body-spirit helping professional, I felt compelled to address this topic head on. Over the past few years (and goodness, especially over the past year during Covid times!), I’ve noticed an explosion of social media posts that espouse toxic positivity and spiritual bypassing as veritable, one-size fits all solutions to ALL! YOUR!! PROBLEMS!!!! I’ve been watching the plethora of such distressing content, truth be told with the same level of dismay one would give to watching an accident about to happen in slow motion.

Truth bomb: there is a LOT of really positive-sounding, yet pithily trite advice from “influencers” right here on this platform as well as across all social media; a lot of them have millions of followers and are seemingly quite successful. Yes, I’m all for freedom of expression and creativity. The year 2020 brought me a lot of lessons; and one of them is that we are living in THE time for digital content creators to shine and thrive and offer their services! This is a good thing. These digital platforms we have access to afford us the opportunity to spread information far and wide (within mere seconds!) around this beautiful blue planet. It’s an exciting time for those of us who like to create and share! Especially those of us who see our roles as healers in service to humanity. However, stepping into such roles comes with a weight of responsibility because what you put out into the world will be the advice that dozens, hundreds, thousands or millions of people will read and accept as gospel for years to come. Because it’s preserved ON THE INTERNET. ForEVER. Anyone can create a pretty and profound-sounding yet pithy meme filled with toxic problematic advice that will not only NOT help you achieve your goals, but will keep you in stuckness because it encourages you to spiritually bypass your actual, real-life problems.

So. What to do, you ask?

I invite you to be more discerning with what you’re taking in online. And I encourage you to continuously ask yourself whether you are engaging in any toxic, spiritually bypassing behaviour yourself. Here are some questions to ask yourself:

Are you discerning the content you’re ingesting, day after day? Scroll after scroll?

How is that content making you feel?

Is that content offering you temporary escapism while you continue ignoring what’s right in front of you?

Have you been ignoring dealing with your SELF? The self inside that houses both light AND shadow?

Be honest: have you been all “GOOD VIBES ONLY!” and “LOVE AND LIGHT!” while ignoring your Shadow inside?

Have you been avoiding doing your deep healing work because you’ve convinced yourself that taking advice from memes instead of checking-in with your Self, studying self-help books (and applying their teachings to your life) and/or working with a trained mental health professional to help guide you along your healing journey is the easier path?

Have you asked yourself who you’ve been taking advice from online (and what their qualifications are)?

Have you asked your guru/healer what efforts they’ve been taking to actively heal from their own wounds?

And after you’ve heard their answer, did you check in with your gut/intuition to discern whether their answer makes sense to you?

Most important of all, have you been hindering your personal growth by spiritually bypassing?

_{Sandy Kiaizadeh is a Registered Psychotherapist, Life Coach and Spiritual Healer at Toronto’s Mindful Solutions Clinic. For more information about Sandy and her services, please visit http://www.mindfulsolutionsclinic.com.}

Covid-19 Update: Office News

Sandy Kiaizadeh is a registered psychotherapist in Toronto, Ontario, Canada.

Well, here we all are, two months into Toronto’s battle against a worldwide pandemic that has quickly evolved into a very serious health and financial crisis. What a difference ten weeks can make, right?

The Ontario government has begun its plans for re-opening some services as of today, May 19, 2020. While they’ve included some health services in their Phase 1 plan, it will always be my priority to minimize risk to both myself and each of my clients. I continue to monitor the situation closely, and am following the direction given to me by both my regulatory college and professional association.

Both have strongly advised against any return to in-office sessions for now given nothing about the virus’ contagion has changed since March’s initial stay-at-home orders were first announced. The risk of possible exposure would be much too high for both my clients and myself, especially since many of us have underlying health concerns which compromise our immune systems.

The scientific research so far is pretty conclusive in one aspect: being in close quarters (like my cozy windowless office where physical distancing is an impossibility no matter how creative I get about furniture arrangements) for an extended period of time (such as hour-long sessions) is a sure way to increase the chances of exposure. When you couple this with the fact that my office is in a shared space with about 30 other health professionals, each with their own clients sitting in the waiting room, the risks of possible contagion only increase.

Simply put, I cannot in good conscience needlessly put my community at risk when my psychotherapy and life coaching services can be just as effective via telehealth until this serious health crisis improves.

So, I will be adopting a measured, phased-in approach. By this, I mean that I will continue to offer only telephone and video sessions for the time being, until further notice. I will continue to monitor Toronto’s infections rates as the city slowly begins reopening, and will also look to guidance from my regulatory college (whose mandate is to protect YOU, the public) and professional association (whose focus is to protect health professionals). As things begin to improve, I will first begin re-offering walk-and-talk sessions. In-office sessions will be offered only in the final phase, once I am more confident that I can resume such sessions without risking anyone’s health and safety.

I will email all my active clients as I move from one phase to another, so you will always be the first to know when things change. I will also be updating my website blog as I move from one phase to the next.

To all my clients who have continued working with me via telehealth through the greatest health crisis we have ever lived through, thank you for trusting me with your wellbeing! I am confident that we will all come out of this stronger and with powerful insights into the values we hold near and dear to our hearts. As a dear friend reminded me over our Facetime chat just this past weekend, sometimes it takes a negative life event to launch us into something far greater. While some may look to this painful time to sink into defeat, grief, loss and depression, I trust that every member of my beloved community will instead look to it as an opportunity for lasting, positive metamorphosis.

Each of us will come back stronger, braver, and more focused than ever before. Of this, I have no doubt.

 

 

 

How Does Getting Psychotherapy Help?

Since psychotherapy (also known as counselling) is a rather misunderstood concept (not to mention often steeped in stigma), the suggestion that you see a therapist can be scary.

You may perceive getting therapy to mean that there’s something wrong with you. But this isn’t the case at all! While it may not be for everyone, counselling can be beneficial to most people at challenging points in their lives.

Although it’s important to recognize that therapy is not a panacea, it makes a difference every day in thousands of lives across the world. If you find that you have uncomfortable feelings of “stuckness” in your life, you may very well benefit from this working with a psychotherapist.

Consider these ways that therapy can help you:

1. Get an objective viewpoint: Counseling allows the opportunity to talk about your current challenges with someone who’s trained, impartial and objective. Open communication with your friends and loved ones is usually a good idea. However, there are times when you might find it more comforting and safe to share your feelings, innermost thoughts, and worries with a therapist.
2. Clarify your feelings: Many times, people begin therapy feeling confused and not really able to identify their emotions. A good therapist can assist you in recognizing your feelings. The therapeutic process can help you explore particularly troubling emotions and resolve them.
3. Learn to appropriately communicate: Being able to share honest, genuine feelings using more effective communication can enrich your relationships and help you succeed in your life. Once you learn to pay more attention to your feelings and share them with others, you’ll get more of what you want from life, whatever that may be. Most importantly, your life is more fulfilling when you live based on how you truly feel.
4. Get stress-relief: How many times do you have an opportunity to say whatever you want however you want with no repercussions later? It’s possible to liberate yourself from psychological pain by talking with a therapist. Therapy is a safe place to vent your negative feelings. Whether you’re feeling scared, hurt, angry, lonely, confused, stuck or other negative feelings, you can share it with your therapist, take a load off your chest, and gain clarity. For many, therapy is a sanctuary when they’re feeling overwhelmed with negativity in their life. This makes counselling a great stress reliever!
5. It’s all about you: When you go to therapy, the session is focused on your benefit. Your time with a psychotherapist is all about you. You can say whatever you want, and you won’t ever have to worry about being judged by the therapist, as they are trained to keep their personal feelings out of it.
6. Gain valuable insights: When you talk about yourself with someone who’s non-judgmental and objective, you’re truly tuned in to the moment and what you’re saying. Therapy provides a chance for you to hear yourself talk and share your own personal struggles. It may sound unusual, but people in counselling frequently have “a-ha” moments about something they shared. Your therapist will ask questions which encourage you to examine your current situation more thoroughly. After all, human difficulties are complex. Through this process, you can discover your motives and learn to understand yourself better. Developing insight and awareness into your feelings empowers you to set priorities about what’s most important to you and make choices that enable you to live the life you truly seek.
7. Bring out your strengths: With therapy, you can develop or gain confidence in your capacity to live a healthy, fulfilling life, while learning more about what makes you tick, and how to harness your strengths.

Simply put, working with a therapist can be one of the most profound gifts you can ever give yourself. Most likely, you’ll experience less stress, feel more satisfied and contented with your life after participating in counselling. If you find yourself struggling emotionally, remind yourself that therapy can help. Tell yourself that therapy is a crucial component of your self-care plan. And then commit to doing the work!

Benefits of Journaling

So here we are, in the new year, which is always a great time of year to develop good, new habits or to deepen old ones.

Today’s blog post is about the benefits of regular journaling.

Who among us used to keep a diary when we were younger?

I know I’ve been a lifelong journaler; I started the habit pretty much as soon as I learned to write full sentences! I must have filled up dozens and dozens of old diaries over the years because I intuitively understood journals as the powerful tools they are to help me understand my struggles and fears without judgment or punishment. I remember how good it felt to release all of those thoughts and feelings, and to write out my deepest, most personal hopes and dreams, getting them out of my head and down onto paper. My world somehow seemed clearer after journaling.

But then adulthood rolled around… and my journaling stopped being as prolific as it used to be. Like so many adults, I too can get caught up in the busyness of day-to-day life. Adulting is hard, y’all! I know I’m not alone on this because I hear it often from my clients too.

But… it’s such a shame that so many of us have stopped keeping regular journals!

One of the very first things I do with all my clients as soon as I start working with them is to encourage them to get back to a regular journaling practice as a supplemental support to our work together. Keeping a regular diary is a great way to develop self-reflection and self- compassion. It helps us to understand our shadow selves, our triggers, our deepest dreams… In my years of working one-on-one with clients in private practice, I’ve noticed that those who regularly write in their journals are the ones who more often than not get the clarity they’re seeking much sooner. And as a result, they are usually the ones who “graduate” from therapy a LOT sooner. Positive outcomes are more easily attained, and at a much more rapid pace. WHY? It’s simple. Writing down our thoughts and feelings helps us understand them more clearly. It helps us notice our limiting beliefs and our dysfunctional coping mechanisms. It helps us get in touch with our core values – what really matters to us, what we want more of. It propels us forward.

So… if you struggle with stress, depression, or anxiety, or even if you’re just feeling STUCK (don’t we all at times?!), keeping a journal is a great idea. It can help you gain control of your emotions, improve your mental health, and gain CLARITY on your life. Journalling can help you prioritize any problems, fear and concerns. It can help you track your day to day thoughts and feelings, and can also provide you with a great opportunity to practice positive self-talk and affirmations.

So… journaling is a pretty simple but powerful tool to help develop a healthy lifestyle for better managing stress, anxiety, and mental health & wellness. It’s an incredible tool to help you cultivate a more MINDFUL life. And when I talk of an overall healthy lifestyle that includes journaling, I’m also talking about things like

• Lowering your stress levels
• Eating a healthy, balanced, nutrient-rich diet
• Exercising regularly, preferably outside, in nature while absorbing the sun’s healing Vitamin D
• Meditating each day
• Getting plenty of sleep each night
• Reducing (or ideally abstaining) from alcohol and drugs

Whenever I’ve recommended journaling to my clients, I’ve sometimes been met with resistance from them.

“But it’s so time-consuming, Sandy”…. “I have no time.”… “I’m MUCH too busy for that.”

“I would have no idea what to even write in my journal.”

“The blank pages overwhelm me.”

“I have too many thoughts in my head, and I can’t possibly discern which ones are important enough to capture and which ones are just… noise in my head.”

Clearly, we seem to have collectively embraced the “I’m much too busy” lament. Sure, life is busy with work/school, childcare, eldercare, paying the bills, cleaning the house, doing laundry, cooking, etc. But journaling doesn’t have to be a long, time-consuming process. Some days, I will jot down some stream of consciousness notes as they pop into my head in under 5 minutes, in point form, on the Notes app in my phone. Other days, as time allows, the entries will be deeper and more fleshed out, and handwritten in a journal. I’ve also noticed the best time for me to journal is first thing in the morning, immediately after having meditated. I got into this habit years ago, after having read Julia Cameron’s wonderous The Artist’s Way, in which she describes the importance of what she calls Morning Pages.

My point is, journaling doesn’t have to take hours and hours to be effective. We can help ourselves by trading out some of our mind-numbing Netflix time with some important self-care time that actually helps us connect more deeply with ourselves and our values.

As for the excuse of “I don’t know what to write about”… That’s a pretty valid concern too, especially if you’re a journaling newbie or somebody who hasn’t engaged in this practice in a long time… which is why I’ve recently published a colourful journal with over 80 powerful coaching prompts to help you get in touch with yourself and live a more mindful life. And I’ve since I’ve always understood the deep connection between creative expression and self-reflection, I’ve included a sampling of some mandalas that I’ve drawn over the year, which you can colour in, if you like. There are also plenty of blank pages on which you can create your own artwork to help get your creativity and self-reflection juices flowing.

The book is available for purchase at most major online retailers like Amazon, etc. But I’ll let you in on a little secret… It’s also available to preview and buy at a lower price, direct from the publisher, below. I would love for you to have a look, buy it, and to share it with your circles to help me spread the word. And please tell me how you like using it, if you do decide to purchase it!

My Mindful Life Journal by Sandy Kiaizadeh. Click on this photo to preview and purchase this book direct from the publisher.

You know, keeping a journal can help you create order when your world feels like it’s in chaos. Using a journal like this one will help you get to know yourself by revealing your most private fears, dreams, thoughts, and feelings. I encourage you to look at your writing time as personal relaxation time. Remember that it’s a meditative process that can help you de-stress and wind down.

I invite you to get into the habit of journaling again. Make self-care an important part of your 2020. Make the practice of journaling a special time to reconnect with yourself, by creating a ritual around it… maybe writing in a place that’s relaxing and soothing, or maybe combining it with another mindful ritual, like tea time. Ultimately though, look forward to your journaling time, and know that you’re doing something good for your mind, body and spirit.

Hypnosis for Deep Sleep

Here’s another guided audio recording, which is good to use if you’re having trouble falling (or staying!) asleep.

Hypnosis and meditation are both wonderful tools to help us access a slower brain frequency state. Are you ready to go into a very relaxing state to allow yourself the deep sleep that you deserve? If so, this guided audio is for you. Sweet dreams!

Breathing Anchor Meditation

Here’s another guided meditation for you!

This meditation is a “breathing anchor” mindfulness practice to help root your awareness into the present moment, dissolve anxiety, decrease stress, and allow the body to heal in a relaxed, peaceful state.

Let me know what you think!

 

Safe Place Meditation (For Pain)

Here is a brand new guided audio meditation that can help those of you who are dealing with physical or emotional pain. Hope you enjoy it!

Self-Compassion Guided Meditation

Self Compassion Meditation

 

 

Here’s one of my favourite meditations to practice, to cultivate self-compassion. Click on the play button and join me!

I hope you enjoy it!

What Is Self-Care? Here Are Some Tips!

I often get asked by clients what this idea of “self-care” really looks like, practically speaking. It seems like we’re bombarded with this expression everywhere we look, especially on our social media feeds. Here are my thoughts on self-care, as well as some quick tips you can use today to begin practising good self-care.

FYI – This video was recorded last summer, but it somehow got lost in my iCloud and I forgot to upload it as a result… I only found it today as I was trying to clean out my hard drive as part of my laptop’s regular maintenance. Guess all my self-caring over the past 7 months made me forget to share this with you all! 😁

Hope you enjoy it! Feel free to share your comments with me below.

Name(required)

Email(required)

Comment(required)

Submit

Δ

Mandala Drawing As A Meditative Practice?

 I often teach my clients about the concept of the Monkey Mind – the inner narrative that we ALL have inside that is often critical and hopelessly jumps from one thought to another, just as a monkey tirelessly swings from branch to branch in the jungle.

Today, my Monkey Mind is especially loud. Yup, even though I teach this stuff for a living, I still have a Monkey Mind. Some days, she’s well behaved, on the quiet side and unassuming. I so appreciate those days when we seem to get along! On other days, however, she leaves my head spinning from exhaustion, as she flits about from one thought to the next, at a rapid-fire pace.

Today, she is LOUD.

That’s where my daily mindfulness practice comes in. Mindfulness is about giving yourself the purposeful gift of present moment awareness without judgment.

Mindfulness is about setting your focused INtention to pay ATtention to what you choose to focus on.

It’s about training your Monkey Mind, by teaching her that you are not her. And that she isn’t the boss of you. Mindfulness is about learning to be the one observing Monkey Mind. Mindfulness meditation is a great tool to practice this important concept of the Observer Self.

Thankfully, we ‘ve come a long way in our Western society in accepting that a mindfulness practice doesn’t mean that you are required to sit cross-legged on the floor, dressed in saffron robes, burning incense and candles, and chanting Sanskrit mantras. Sure, meditating on the cognitive (mind), body, psychological and spiritual connection can be accomplished by quietly sitting with your eyes closed and directing one’s focused attention on an anchor of some sort (e.g. your breathing). And that’s certainly my practice of choice on most days.

However, today, I recognized that my mind was simply too scattered and unfocused to be able to sit quietly with my eyes closed for an extended period of time. On stressful days like today, I make it a point to practice a more active form of meditation to help ground myself to the present moment and quiet the Inner Monkey – by either walking, dancing, singing, painting, or drawing.

So I spent about 30 minutes at lunchtime today drawing this mandala on my iPad. This wasn’t about creating art for art’s sake. This was about directing my attention to an activity with full moment-by-moment awareness. It was about making mindful brush strokes and coordinating my breathing with each line drawn. It was about choosing to focus on what *I* wanted to focus on, no matter how many times my Monkey Mind pipped up with one of her patented random thoughts that don’t always make sense.

The result? My Monkey Mind quieted down about 5 minutes into the activity. And now, even hours later, it’s as though she’s still napping somewhere in the jungle inside my head. And I used the reprieve she’s given me to get some much-needed work done… including writing this blog post which had seemed like an insurmountable task earlier today.

How about THAT for a mindful solution to an everyday problem?